The Real Way To Effectively Say No

Sadly I hear too many people say, “I am just so slammed. My job doesn’t allow me to say “no” to my work, my clients, my boss, or my family. I work and worry all the time!” Research from Family Practical Management concluded, that with current technology, the lesson we learned from our parents …..”must get your work done before you can go outside and play” is now misguided in today’s society. We can’t seem to go to bed, leaving our computer with unread e-mails in our inbox.

We live our values from parents who didn’t have 24/7 communications, constant device messages, and news. We are just bombarded constantly. Our parents juggled 2 balls, while we juggle 42.

So the goal is clear: How do we not offend people, stop being a door-mat for every request, and get our lives back?

Diplomacy starts with asking ourselves – Do I have my values and priorities aligned? If we don’t know who we are in our beliefs, ideals and values, we may, inadvertently, give permission to others to help mess up our lives.

Taking time to write down your values and the those activities supporting your core values is critical. We must stand for something or fall for anything. Otherwise we fall victim to other people’s demands, and sacrificing our values leads to feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted, and out-of-control of our lives.

I recall several years ago doing extra work for Brad, a teammate, that required all weekend and several evening hours to research and complete a powerpoint presentation for executives of another company. A few weeks later I asked Brad how things went, and he said, “Oh, thanks – it was great and appreciate all you did but we didn’t use it. Turns out we didn’t really need it but thanks anyway. Great work Jim!”

It’s great to be needed, and it feels good to get a thank-you, and frustrating when we over-commit to things in the interest of being a nice guy. We sacrifice our time and extra effort, in many cases risking the relationships with those most important in our lives, to be liked by someone who will not even know us in 10 years.

The Worst “No”

I don’t have time. Yes you do – we all have the same amount of time – 24/7, so the inference of the request is trivial.

There is a better way to say no:

The Better “no” (this is great for when we have to repeat the same process, answer the same thing, or fix the same issue multiple times a day)

Part I – “I will fix this with you now, and if I get other requests, will you please reinforce your learning, by teaching others what we review today?” They now are sharing our burden and teaching themselves and others. We then only fix an issue once and others can get help, without you being burdened. Growth and success requires shedding routine tasks as we rescue others- help them save themselves.

And we then say to another asking us for help – Part II – “Yes, I can help you – please contact XXXX, and they will walk you through the latest updates to this issue.”

A recent study from Managing People at Work, stated that if we deflect our requests to other capable people – peers, subordinates, or bosses, the requesting party will only reach out to that person 20% of the time! That means their request 80% of the time was not worth bothering anybody else – but it was worth bothering you?

So many requests are just duplicates, overkill, or flat out unnecessary. Shame on Me!

Wanna Soften the “no” – Gotta Start With “maybe!”

We accept work way too fast and need to explore other options, real timelines, and exact expectations. That exploration process may help lots of work just go away!

The Best “No”…. when asked to do more work, say:

1. Great. Could we review involving other ideas or other people, so each of us has a small job, it’s not just one of us doing a big job?” We win back our life when explore alternatives, ideas, people, and by not doing things for them, rather by thinking with them. The key to saying “no” is less about not doing, and rather saying “yes” to thinking. Thinking to come up with other ways to achieve results. If we just accept tasks instead, we truly risk those values and people we say are most important to us.

2. To a boss or peer – “Ok, and can we discuss my work priorities you gave me, so I can ensure your most important work is done on time and to your satisfaction?” (Let the boss do his own expense report or flights – if he also has you doing other important tasks)

3. As a leader to an employee – “So, this is a “No” now, but let’s review what can be considered to turn this “No” to a “Yes.” ‘No’ on sensitive employee issues are best accepted when we understand the rationale for the “no” now. They may not like the “no”, but they do need to at least understand the “no”.

4. Before I accept this work, can I restate to you exactly what I believe is required and when I believe I can complete it? Then be prepared to discuss who else could be involved or what can be done to achieve excellence. (I love it when they will exactly say – “Oh, never mind it’s not that big of a deal.” Meaning: they didn’t think anything through, and would rather dump on it on you than think it through! Good – They really didn’t see this as a priority either.

Try to have others manage their requests of us. Talking them out of extra work is better than doing work no one appreciates or needs.

The hard part about saying no, is we fear others will see us as not helpful, stubborn, or rude. Reframe the no as let’s think of other options and be very clear on what exactly is expected by when. Help the requester think and we may all win.

Our greater value to any request is in using our mind and heart, not just our hands and feet.

Key to saying “no” –

Help others think, don’t just be a tool.



  1. I think this is one of the most important information for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things, The website style is ideal, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

  2. I’m no longer positive where you are getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend a while finding out more or figuring out more. Thank you for great information I used to be in search of this info for my mission.

  3. I appreciate, cause I found just what I was looking for. You have ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye

  4. Buy Amoxicillin In Australia [url=]viagra[/url] Acheter Amoxicillin Pharmacie Livrer A Domicile De Medicaments Viagra E Cardioaspirina

  5. Fantastic goods from you, man. I’ve keep in mind your stuff previous to and you are just extremely great. I really like what you have obtained here, certainly like what you are saying and the way in which through which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you continue to take care of to stay it wise. I can’t wait to read much more from you. That is really a great website.

  6. As I site possessor I believe the content material here is rattling magnificent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Best of luck.

  7. As a Newbie, I am permanently exploring online for articles that can help me. Thank you

  8. Donde Comprar Levitra Espana [url=]cialis[/url] Viagra Rezeptfrei Bestellen De Strep Zithromax

  9. One other issue is when you are in a predicament where you don’t have a cosigner then you may genuinely wish to try to make use of all of your federal funding options. You’ll find many grants or loans and other free college funding that will offer you finances to help you with college expenses. Many thanks for the post.

  10. Joint Aches From Amoxicillin [url=]viagra[/url] Kamagranow

  11. It is perfect time to make some plans for the longer term and it’s time to be happy. I’ve learn this post and if I may just I wish to suggest you few attention-grabbing things or tips. Perhaps you can write next articles regarding this article. I want to learn even more things approximately it!

  12. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I am hoping the same high-grade site post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own blog now. Actually the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a good example of it.

  13. Thanks for your posting. One other thing is that if you are disposing your property on your own, one of the troubles you need to be aware of upfront is just how to deal with home inspection reports. As a FSBO home owner, the key to successfully shifting your property as well as saving money with real estate agent income is expertise. The more you know, the simpler your sales effort is going to be. One area when this is particularly significant is information about home inspections.

  14. Buy Pfizer Viagra Uk Buy [url=]viagra[/url] Propecia Cipla Canadian Purchasing Secure Acticin By Money Order In Internet

  15. Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My blog discusses a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you might be interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!

  16. I just added this weblog to my google reader, great stuff. Can not get enough!

  17. I’m typically to blogging and i really respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your web site and keep checking for brand new information.

  18. Hey would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a fair price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  19. online pharmacies doctor who full series

  20. No matter if some one searches for his necessary
    thing, thus he/she desires to be available that in detail,
    so that thing is maintained over here.

  21. Im thankful for the blog post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.

  22. It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it is
    time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I want to suggest you
    some interesting things or advice. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I wish to read even more things about it!

  23. Hi, I check your new stuff daily. Your writing style is awesome, keep it up!

  24. I think that what you wrote made a lot of sense.
    However, what about this? suppose you composed a catchier title?
    I ain’t saying your information isn’t solid, but suppose you added a title
    that makes people desire more? I mean The Real Way To Effectively Say No « Jim Trunick – Leadership & Executive Solutions
    For Business Excellence is kinda vanilla. You could look at
    Yahoo’s front page and see how they write article headlines to get viewers interested.
    You might try adding a video or a related pic or two to
    get readers interested about everything’ve got to say. Just my opinion, it
    could make your posts a little livelier.

  25. It’s remarkable in support of me too have a web page, which iss useful for my experience.thanks admin. online pharmacies

  26. you’re really a good webmaster. The web site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. Moreover, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a wonderful job on this topic! cheap viagra

  27. I’ve been exploring for a bit for any high quality articles or blog posts in this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this site. Studying this information So i’m satisfied to exhibit that I’ve an incredibly excellent uncanny feeling I discovered just what I needed. I such a lot surely will make certain to do not omit this site and provides it a look regularly. cheapest viagra

  28. Precio Levitra Farmatodo [url=]Buy Cialis[/url] Cephalexin Floxin canadian pharmacy cialis Cafergot

  29. Normally I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to check out and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very nice article.. viagra without a doctor prescription

  30. Many thanks for sharing! This is a topic that’s near to my heart… Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though?. canadian pharmacy

  31. Synthroid Online Prescription [url=]Cialis[/url] Order Metformin Online Cialis Propecia Impotencia Viagra

  32. Appreciate you sharing, great article. Thanks Again. Much obliged. generic viagra

  33. Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a completely different topic but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Excellent choice of colors!

  34. Hey there, You have done a great job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally recommend to my friends. I am confident they will be benefited from this web site.

  35. Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My blog covers a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

  36. Viagra Ohne Rezept Kaufen Legal [url=]Cialis[/url] Donde Puedo Comprar Pastillas Cytotec cheap cialis Buy Colchicine Tablets

  37. Kamagra Oral Jelly New Zealand [url=]cialis prices[/url] Propecia Customer Service Cialis Levitra Beheben

  38. Many thanks. I appreciate it. canadian pharmacy

  39. Cheers. Quite a lot of information. generic cialis.

  40. Thank you! Terrific information.. viagra without a doctor prescription

  41. Whoa lots of good tips. viagra online

  42. Thanks. I like this. cheap generic viagra.

  43. Currently it seems like Drupal is the best blogging platform available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

  44. Howdy! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Appreciate it!

  45. After all, what a great site and informative posts, I will upload inbound link – bookmark this web site? Regards, Reader.

  46. It is actually a great and useful piece of information. I’m happy that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

  47. Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was searching for!

  48. Terrific advice. With thanks.. generic viagra

  49. Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

  50. Cheers. An abundance of content.. viagra sans ordonnance viagra prix

  51. Really nice design and style and excellent written content, practically nothing else we need : D.

  52. Hey houseman! Hows your hummer hanging? cialis online

  53. Thank you, Great information. hempworx cbd oil reviews

  54. Seriously a good deal of fantastic info. levitra sans ordonnance en pharmacie viagra sans ordonnance

  55. Incredible quite a lot of wonderful advice. canadian pharmacy

  56. Tomar Viagra Sildenafil [url=]Cheap Cialis[/url] Cialis Soft Review Cheap Cialis Sildenafil Citrate 100mg Tab

  57. Kudos. A lot of tips. pharmacie lafayette cialis generique

  58. Viagra Cialis Sante Canada [url=]Cialis[/url] Levitra By Bayer Buy Cialis Amoxicillin Side Effect

  59. Reliable knowledge. Regards. viagra without a doctors prescription safely buy generic viagra

  60. Propecia Cheapest Secure [url=]Buy Cialis[/url] Order Fluoxetine 40mg Prozac With Next Day Delivery Cialis Metformin Buy On Line

  61. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your web site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this web site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found simply the information I already searched all over the place and simply couldn’t come across. What a perfect web-site.

  62. You actually explained that well. pharmacie en ligne viagra viagra prix

  63. One more thing. I do believe that there are many travel insurance web sites of respected companies that allow you enter your journey details and find you the prices. You can also purchase this international travel insurance policy online by using your credit card. All that you should do is usually to enter the travel specifics and you can begin to see the plans side-by-side. Merely find the system that suits your capacity to pay and needs and use your credit card to buy them. Travel insurance online is a good way to begin looking for a trustworthy company regarding international travel cover. Thanks for revealing your ideas.

  64. Cheers. Lots of info. buy viagra

  65. You suggested this perfectly. generic viagra no prescription ejaculateur precoce et viagra

  66. You actually explained that effectively! cannabidiol what is hemp oil good for

  67. Great awesome things here. I am very happy to peer your post. Thanks so much and i’m having a look ahead to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

  68. I in addition to my guys happened to be looking through the good tips and hints on your site then all of the sudden developed an awful suspicion I never thanked the web blog owner for those strategies. Most of the guys became totally warmed to study them and now have undoubtedly been taking advantage of these things. I appreciate you for turning out to be really helpful as well as for picking out varieties of exceptional topics most people are really desirous to learn about. My personal honest regret for not expressing appreciation to sooner.

  69. I wanted to compose you this tiny word to help thank you so much over again relating to the awesome secrets you have contributed on this site. It was so surprisingly open-handed with you to provide freely just what a few individuals might have advertised for an electronic book to help with making some dough for their own end, principally considering the fact that you might have tried it if you wanted. The principles in addition acted like a good way to be certain that other people online have similar zeal just as my very own to see way more related to this problem. I believe there are a lot more enjoyable periods ahead for individuals who browse through your blog.

  70. Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any suggestions?

  71. free shipping isotretinoin for sale legally [url=]Cialis[/url] Buy Propecia Online 20mg Cialis discount generic accutane

  72. Thanks for finally talking about > The Real Way
    To Effectively Say No « Jim Trunick – Leadership & Executive Solutions For Business Excellence < Liked it!

    Look at my page cheapest web hosting in uk

  73. What’s up, its nice paragraph regarding media print, we
    all know media is a great source of facts.

    My web-site –

  74. What i do not understood is actually how you’re not actually a lot more neatly-appreciated than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You already know therefore significantly on the subject of this matter, produced me in my opinion consider it from numerous numerous angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be involved unless it¦s one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs outstanding. All the time care for it up!

  75. Buy high level superior proxies – Fully unknown ELITE private proxies having TOP a higher standard security measures exclusively by

  76. Nice post. I be taught something more difficult on totally different blogs everyday. It will at all times be stimulating to read content from other writers and apply a bit of something from their store. I’d want to make use of some with the content material on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll provide you with a link on your internet blog. Thanks for sharing.

  77. It’s impressive that you are getting ideas from this article as well as from our discussion made at this

    my website best CBD oil for pain

  78. Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that,
    terrific blog!

    Here is my webpage: best CBD oil for pain

  79. I am sure this piece of writing has touched all
    the internet visitors, its really really good article on building up
    new website.

    Here is my site; best CBD oil for pain

  80. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  81. Excellent goods from you, man. I’ve take into accout your stuff previous to
    and you are just too excellent. I actually like what you’ve bought right here, certainly
    like what you’re saying and the way in which during which you say it.

    You make it enjoyable and you continue to care for to stay it smart.
    I can’t wait to read far more from you. That is actually a tremendous site.

    Feel free to visit my site CBD gummies

  82. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to tears at work so
    I decided to browse your site on my iphone during lunch break.
    I really like the info you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.

    I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my cell
    phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, very good site!

    My web-site – CBD gummies

  83. I read this paragraph completely about the resemblance of newest and preceding technologies, it’s
    awesome article.

    Take a look at my web blog :: CBD gummies

  84. I cannot thank you enough for the article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  85. hello there and thanks for your information – I have definitely picked up anything new from proper here. I did on the other hand expertise several technical issues the usage of this website, as I skilled to reload the site many times previous to I may get it to load properly. I were pondering if your web host is OK? Not that I’m complaining, however slow loading cases times will very frequently affect your placement in google and can injury your quality score if ads and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my email and could glance out for a lot more of your respective exciting content. Ensure that you replace this once more very soon..

  86. rx pharmacy online drug store online pharmacy sites online pharmacy without prescription [url=]online prescription[/url] peoples pharmacy

  87. Furthermore, i believe that mesothelioma cancer is a scarce form of cancers that is often found in those previously subjected to asbestos. Cancerous tissue form from the mesothelium, which is a protective lining that covers most of the body’s bodily organs. These cells usually form inside the lining of the lungs, belly, or the sac which actually encircles one’s heart. Thanks for revealing your ideas.

Leave a Reply