The 4 E’s To Handling Complainers

By on January 5, 2017   /   Tru Leadership  

Despite all our positive leadership efforts, we often still have people who are addicted and obsessed with complaining. It’s as if complaining feeds some dark empty sore spot for some people, and that if they didn’t complain, they’d have nothing to say. So, here are the 3 key “E’s” to improve the situation and the 1 final “E” – hitting the eject button themselves.

Engage others by not talking – Sometimes we just want to be heard. Engaging individuals is less about questions and more about saying nothing and using our ears instead.

The words “Silent” and “Listen” use the exact same letters.

Try to learn what is behind others’ complaints. We all have fear and some of us manage it better than others. Due to past learning – both good & bad – fear can shape our current actions. If we listen to their “stories” we have a chance to understand them through their expression of feelings, instead of our interrupting, counseling, agreeing, or fixing things, which won’t change anything – we can just nod and listen. Like in negotiations, we can’t negotiate a position (the line in the sand) we can only understand the motivations behind their position.

Encourage quietly – Once you know the motivations and benefits requested of the complainer, we can clarify that they are missing the mark in private. Encourage new language and tone for them in order to achieve their goals in a more positive manner. Anytime we are unable to achieve something on our own we only have 2 choices – quit or get help. Let chronic complainers know they are powerful through allowing others to help. Others are everything to our success – before every champion kisses the trophy they ‘thank’ someone for helping them get to their goal. We need to be clear and not sugar coat the specific behavior, addressing their specific statements, tones, body language, or actions that are not yielding the results they say they want. We need to be sure and leave our emotions out of the conversation.

Elevate them – Reinforce positives publicly and correct less positive actions privately. We all need to be accountable and take responsibility internally for things we can control. When we hear complaints – ask these 5 questions:

  • How is this an issue or problem for you?
  • What would you rather have happen?
  • What will that do for you ? (keep them digging until you hit a value, not just “I want it”)
  • What part can you control – what have you done?
  • How is that working – what will you try next?

Eject the bad egg – I had an employee years ago who really seemed intent on being fired. He was more interested in telling people he’d been “ fired” as a perverse way of proving us wrong, gaining attention, or locking in some other job faster. Some people love the drama. So, while we provide treatment to people with SCS (Severe Complaint Syndrome), as if they require medicine, at some point an “ectomy” may be required and it might even be embraced by them.

My learning – The complainer often is MORE miserable than we will ever know. So move with dignity and in collaboration with your mentor/HR partner to do the right thing and help everyone see a better future; for some it may be outside their current organization.

No Monument was ever Built to a Pessimist,

Jim

5,824 Comments
  1. network marketing
    4:16 pm on March 19, 2017

    Usually I do not read post on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, quite great article.|

  2. small business website
    9:37 pm on March 19, 2017

    Just desire to say your article is as surprising. The clarity in your post is simply spectacular and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

  3. health medical news
    2:10 am on March 20, 2017

    Hi, I do think this is a great blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to return once again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.

  4. articles on healthy living
    7:52 am on March 20, 2017

    These are actually wonderful ideas in on the topic of blogging. You have touched some nice things here. Any way keep up wrinting.

  5. board of education
    11:11 pm on March 20, 2017

    I’m no longer sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I must spend a while studying much more or working out more. Thanks for magnificent info I was on the lookout for this information for my mission.

  6. borvestinkral
    6:23 pm on June 28, 2017

    I am glad to be one of the visitants on this outstanding website (:, regards for putting up.

  7. Why Do I Complain
    12:38 am on December 11, 2017

    Keep the faith, my Internet friend, You are a first-class writer and deserve to be heard.

  8. desywulandari
    12:36 pm on January 18, 2018

    Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I
    provide credit and sources back to your site?

    My blog site is in the exact same niche as yours and my users would really
    benefit from a lot of the information you present here.
    Please let me know if this alright with you. Thank you!

  9. GPU Mining
    5:59 pm on February 18, 2018

    I am just starting to learn about all of this. Thanks!

  10. Michael Kors Pebbled Large Black Shoulder Bags
    4:24 am on February 26, 2018

    I wanted to write down a simple note to be able to say thanks to you for those splendid ideas you are giving here. My prolonged internet lookup has at the end been recognized with really good ideas to write about with my family. I ‘d express that many of us visitors actually are really lucky to live in a fabulous place with very many perfect people with useful strategies. I feel somewhat lucky to have encountered your entire web page and look forward to really more awesome times reading here. Thanks a lot once more for all the details.

  11. golden world
    3:10 am on March 11, 2018

    There may be noticeably a bundle to learn about this. I assume you made sure good factors in options also.

  12. golden world
    8:45 pm on March 11, 2018

    You need to take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I’ll suggest this site!

  13. golden world
    2:55 pm on March 12, 2018

    I was more than happy to seek out this web-site.I needed to thanks on your time for this wonderful learn!! I positively enjoying each little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.

  14. golden world
    9:05 am on March 14, 2018

    There are actually a variety of particulars like that to take into consideration. That is a nice point to convey up. I supply the ideas above as normal inspiration however clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where an important factor will likely be working in trustworthy good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged round things like that, however I’m positive that your job is clearly identified as a good game. Each boys and girls feel the affect of just a second抯 pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  15. golden world
    2:53 am on March 15, 2018

    Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  16. golden world
    10:47 pm on March 15, 2018

    you might have a fantastic weblog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?

  207. LesKign
    5:20 pm on June 16, 2019

    Amoxicillin Clavulanate Side Affects canadian pharmacy cialis 20mg Buy Tamoxifen India

  459. LesKign
    2:51 pm on June 30, 2019

    Cheap Effective Cialis Viagra Soft Propecia Frosst Iberica best price on levitra buy roche accutane online uk

  518. where to buy proxies
    3:48 am on July 3, 2019

    Anonymous private proxies together with rapid acceleration proxy hosts DreamProxies.com – Acquire proxies nowadays!

  664. https://www.sosc6nj44.online
    11:59 am on July 9, 2019

    My family members always say that I am wasting my time
    here at web, except I know I am getting knowledge everyday by reading
    thes good content.

  716. AaronDed
    9:09 am on July 11, 2019

    http://diclofenac.irish/ – diclofenac

  725. AaronDed
    11:49 pm on July 11, 2019

    http://doxycycline.run/ – doxycline

  751. https://www.uzplxb5ac.online
    10:22 pm on July 12, 2019

    Hi everyone, it’s my first pay a visit at this site, and
    post is in fact fruitful in favor of me, keep up posting these content.

  755. https://www.acmhcoah.online
    12:45 am on July 13, 2019

    Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Many thanks

  756. 마카오 카지노 대박
    1:43 am on July 13, 2019

    Magnificent goods from you, man. I have have in mind your
    stuff previous to and you are simply extremely excellent. I really like what you’ve got right here, certainly like
    what you’re saying and the way during which you assert it.
    You are making it enjoyable and you continue to care for
    to keep it smart. I cant wait to read much more from you.
    This is really a wonderful website.

  757. https://www.dmzdxe4oo.online
    1:59 am on July 13, 2019

    whoah this weblog is wonderful i like studying your articles.
    Keep up the good work! You recognize, a lot of people are searching
    around for this info, you can aid them greatly.

  758. 카지노 3만
    2:28 am on July 13, 2019

    That is really attention-grabbing, You are an excessively skilled blogger.
    I’ve joined your rss feed and stay up for seeking extra of your wonderful
    post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks

  763. https://www.dotple.kr/
    4:41 am on July 13, 2019

    Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire
    in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will
    be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

  766. https://www.hycup.online
    5:34 am on July 13, 2019

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts about 바카라사이트.

    Regards

  767. 배터리맞고게임
    5:47 am on July 13, 2019

    Tremendous issues here. I’m very satisfied to see your
    article. Thank you so much and I’m having a look
    forward to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?

  768. https://www.bimdybgeb.online
    5:57 am on July 13, 2019

    Keep on working, great job!

  769. https://www.ucilveqh.online
    6:18 am on July 13, 2019

    I know this web page provides quality depending content and additional information, is there any other web site which provides such stuff in quality?

  770. https://www.hnxpkd2s.online
    6:30 am on July 13, 2019

    It is actually a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m happy that you just shared this helpful information with us.
    Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks
    for sharing.

  771. https://www.qkczfc94.online
    6:48 am on July 13, 2019

    I am really enjoying the theme/design of your website.

    Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?
    A number of my blog audience have complained about my blog
    not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera.

    Do you have any tips to help fix this problem?

  772. AaronDed
    6:52 am on July 13, 2019

    http://bactrim.run/ – bactrim

  773. https://www.sejongtile.kr/
    6:53 am on July 13, 2019

    I visited various web sites however the audio feature for audio songs present at this web site is actually superb.

  775. 카지노사이트
    6:59 am on July 13, 2019

    This piece of writing is really a fastidious one it helps new the web visitors, who are wishing in favor of
    blogging.

  778. https://www.wexzi5ymf.online
    7:36 am on July 13, 2019

    I must thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this site.
    I’m hoping to see the same high-grade content by you later on as well.
    In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own blog now 😉

  779. https://www.titaniumpowder.top/
    7:41 am on July 13, 2019

    I’m really impressed with your writing skills as well
    as with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?

    Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great
    blog like this one nowadays.

  780. https://www.scjbible.kr/
    7:50 am on July 13, 2019

    Thanks , I’ve recently been looking for information approximately this topic for a while and yours is the greatest I’ve discovered so far.
    But, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you certain about the source?

  781. https://www.zsadcreao.online
    8:16 am on July 13, 2019

    Hi there would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using?

    I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m having a
    tough time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs
    and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  782. https://www.mfvpyou5.online
    8:30 am on July 13, 2019

    I am actually happy to read this website posts which includes tons of useful information,
    thanks for providing such information.

  785. https://www.dxasn0dvj.online
    9:57 am on July 13, 2019

    Undeniably imagine that which you stated. Your favorite reason appeared to be at
    the internet the simplest factor to consider of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed even as other people consider issues that they plainly
    do not recognize about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the entire thing without
    having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be again to get more.
    Thanks

  786. https://www.bimdybgeb.online
    10:05 am on July 13, 2019

    Somebody necessarily help to make significantly posts I might state.

    That is the very first time I frequented your web page and to this
    point? I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual post amazing.
    Excellent process!

  788. https://www.hmqhkw5u.online/
    10:56 am on July 13, 2019

    This site was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve
    found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!

  790. https://www.kuyacktwt.online
    11:05 am on July 13, 2019

    hello there and thank you for your information – I have certainly picked up anything new from right here.

    I did however expertise a few technical issues using this site, as I experienced to reload the website a lot
    of times previous to I could get it to load properly.
    I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if advertising and
    marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this
    RSS to my email and can look out for much more of your respective interesting content.
    Ensure that you update this again very soon.

  791. https://www.bthm7zuw.online
    11:07 am on July 13, 2019

    This info is invaluable. When can I find out more?

  792. 카지노사이트
    11:17 am on July 13, 2019

    Hi colleagues, how is everything, and what you want to say regarding this paragraph, in my view
    its actually awesome for me.

  793. https://www.rtvt32i3.online
    11:28 am on July 13, 2019

    I enjoy reading an article that can make people think.
    Also, thanks for allowing for me to comment!

  794. https://www.jhan8e5ym.online
    11:45 am on July 13, 2019

    Hi there Dear, are you genuinely visiting this
    web site regularly, if so after that you will
    definitely obtain good know-how.

  795. https://www.rmcxq7ps8.online
    11:47 am on July 13, 2019

    Its such as you learn my thoughts! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the e
    book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few p.c.
    to power the message home a bit, however instead of that,
    this is magnificent blog. An excellent read. I will definitely
    be back.

  796. 빠찡코 게임
    12:41 pm on July 13, 2019

    An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment.

    I think that you should publish more on this topic,
    it might not be a taboo subject but typically people do
    not talk about these topics. To the next! Best wishes!!

  799. https://www.bntiax2phz.online
    2:59 pm on July 13, 2019

    Link exchange is nothing else however it is just
    placing the other person’s webpage link on your page at appropriate place and other
    person will also do same in favor of you.

  801. 카지노사이트
    3:26 pm on July 13, 2019

    You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest
    quality blogs on the net. I most certainly will
    recommend this site!

  802. https://www.dlpewqgop.online
    3:52 pm on July 13, 2019

    I don’t even know how I finished up here, however I thought this publish was
    once great. I don’t know who you are however definitely you are going
    to a famous blogger in the event you are not already.
    Cheers!

  803. https://www.ceraon.kr/
    5:30 pm on July 13, 2019

    Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this website before but after
    browsing through many of the posts I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyways, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it
    and checking back often!

  806. https://www.titaniummachinery.top/
    8:01 pm on July 13, 2019

    That is really fascinating, You’re an overly skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and look ahead to looking for extra
    of your magnificent post. Additionally, I’ve shared your website in my social networks

  808. 호텔카지노 주소
    8:32 pm on July 13, 2019

    What’s up, every time i used to check webpage posts here in the early
    hours in the dawn, as i love to learn more and more.

  810. AaronDed
    10:26 pm on July 13, 2019

    http://augmentinamoxicillin.com/ – amoxicillin online no prescription

  818. https://www.wbpniks0r.online
    12:57 am on July 14, 2019

    Very good post. I will be dealing with many of these issues as well..

  821. https://www.wbpniks0r.online
    4:43 am on July 14, 2019

    This is my first time go to see at here and i am really happy to read
    all at alone place.