Coaching Is About Picking Your Fight

Coaching is so much more about the situation and task, yet instead we mistakenly make it about the person. Coaching for a task is a dialogue to resolve a possible problem. Coaching for a person is much more messy. One thing they both have in common is that all coaching is about people development, and how we get there is through behaviors. If we think it’s about coaching the person, it’s like trying to jump a mountain. A person’s mountain of feelings and fears need to be carefully walked through one behavior at a time. We climb a mountain, but we don’t jump it.

I’ve watched experienced coaches try to tackle an engineer’s poor behavior in a meeting, encompassing both their decision-making skills and interpersonal team relationships, all in one coaching session. Talk about poking a bear. Each situation is packed with bias and emotion related to why any of us act a certain way, and to unpack, dissect, and lay out these issues all at once can be very off-putting.

“When we set out to change another – the biggest change is in ourselves.”

People development is our coaching goal and happens mostly from our collective willingness and interest to try new behaviors. And those new behaviors are toward influencing someone else to see and think differently – either about themselves or a certain perspective on a situation. More powerful than “We are what we eat, say, or do.” is “We are what we think.” Influencing someone’s thinking doesn’t happen in 5 minutes.

We try to “fix” the person but instead we get tangled up in too many biases, issues, egos, and fears, all bundled up as “that’s just me.” If we can separate feelings from behaviors, we are making progress.  

The acronym OFUR, which stands for Objectivity, Fairness, Understanding, and Respect, defines the hallmarks to great coaching. This is why executive coaching is gaining so much traction in today’s businesses, as these hallmarks are very hard to employ if the boss, as coach, has their compensation directly tied to the coachee’s behaviors changing. The urgency, immediacy, strict deadlines, and pushiness of bosses doesn’t work, whereas executive coaches can be distanced from these predictable pain points of boss-employee relationships.

Improve a person’s goal attainment by focusing on a series of specific small adjustable steps, instead of the whole mountain! If the desired end result is people development, don’t try to develop the whole person at once, instead develop those small individual behaviors, through their re-newed thinking.  I have worked with many executive sales leaders who try to develop salespeople by repeating expectations and bashing the expected results over the salesperson’s head. (Glengarry Glen Ross style – Always Be Closing!)

“The worst way to get results is to focus on results.”  ~ Susan Fowler

If behaviors are leaves on the tree (what we see), and the attitudes are the roots, (what is hidden), the best coaches focus on the leaves with sensitivity to the impact on the roots.

Staying focused in coaching is like trimming the tree, with sensitivity that what we are trimming on top (skills – behaviors) has impact on the roots (values – attitudes). If we try to coach to their attitude – watch out – there may be a hornets nest in those roots.

If we want the change more than they do, they will make changes only when we are around.

“We don’t mind change, what we mind is being changed.” ~ Jamie Ramsden

Coaching goals are for others to use the behaviors that get them to achieve their goals and the organization’s goals, when the coach is not there.

Jim

159 Comments
  1. I’d should examine with you here. Which is not something I normally do! I enjoy reading a publish that may make folks think. Additionally, thanks for allowing me to comment!

  2. Tadalafil 20 Mg For Sale Kamagra Description Viagra 100 Mg 4 Comprimes cialis no prescription Cheap Sildenafil

  3. Thanks alot : ) for your post. I’d like to say that the price of car insurance varies from one insurance policy to another, simply because there are so many different issues which contribute to the overall cost. One example is, the model and make of the vehicle will have an enormous bearing on the purchase price. A reliable ancient family motor vehicle will have a more affordable premium than the usual flashy fancy car.

  4. Thanks for your post. One other thing is that if you are disposing your property all on your own, one of the problems you need to be alert to upfront is just how to deal with home inspection accounts. As a FSBO supplier, the key to successfully switching your property in addition to saving money in real estate agent commission rates is information. The more you recognize, the more stable your property sales effort are going to be. One area that this is particularly critical is information about home inspections.

  5. There is noticeably a bundle to find out about this. I assume you made sure good factors in options also.

  6. Cialis Sotto La Lingua Vendita Propecia Online viagra online Ordering Prednisone From Canada

  7. Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am inspired! Very useful info specifically the final section 🙂 I take care of such info a lot. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thanks and best of luck.

  8. Qualityrxpharmacy levitra 40 mg generic Silagra 100 Achat Viagra En France En Vannes

  9. Zithromax 250 Mg Price Cialis 10 buy viagra Achat De Levitra En France Paxill Online Usa

  10. Elite quality private proxies, Unlimited data transfer useage, 1000 mb/s superspeed, 99,9 uptime, Neo sequential IP’s, Absolutely no consumption standards, Numerous subnets, USA or simply The uk proxies – Acquire At this point – DreamProxies.com

  11. One thing I would like to say is the fact before obtaining more computer system memory, consider the machine within which it is installed. In case the machine is usually running Windows XP, for instance, the actual memory limit is 3.25GB. Adding greater than this would simply constitute a waste. Make sure that one’s motherboard can handle this upgrade amount, as well. Interesting blog post.

  12. Somebody essentially help to make seriously articles I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish amazing. Great job!

  13. Precio Proscar Propecia Cephalexin And Allergic Reactions Achat De Cialis En Suisse viagra Costa Rica Pharmacy Online Cataflam Zithromax

  14. Furthermore, i believe that mesothelioma cancer is a exceptional form of many forms of cancer that is generally found in individuals previously exposed to asbestos. Cancerous tissues form from the mesothelium, which is a protecting lining which covers most of the body’s bodily organs. These cells usually form from the lining from the lungs, belly, or the sac which encircles the heart. Thanks for expressing your ideas.

  15. I simply wanted to compose a brief message to be able to thank you for the amazing advice you are showing on this website. My extensive internet look up has at the end been paid with pleasant insight to write about with my family and friends. I ‘d express that most of us visitors are unequivocally lucky to dwell in a wonderful place with so many special professionals with very beneficial opinions. I feel very lucky to have used the webpage and look forward to plenty of more awesome minutes reading here. Thanks again for a lot of things.

  16. Priligy Cyprus Vente Propecia Generique Dove Comprare Cialis Senza Ricetta cialis overnight shipping from usa Ed Pills Online Legal Viagra Sur Homme

  17. Dutasteride Avidart viagra Priligy Vendita Online Italia

  18. This excellent website certainly has all of the info I needed concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

  19. I just added this website to my feed reader, excellent stuff. Can’t get enough!

  20. I think one of your ads triggered my internet browser to resize, you may well want to put that on your blacklist.

  21. The correct cause of sort 1 diabetes is unknown. What is known is that your protected system — which normally fights baneful bacteria or viruses — attacks and destroys your insulin-producing cells in the pancreas. This leaves you with little or no insulin. In place of of being transported into your cells, sugar builds up in your bloodstream. Kidney 1 is thought to be caused via viagra generic a mix of genetic susceptibility and environmental factors, supposing exactly what those factors are is still unclear. Preponderancy is not believed to be a proxy in type 1 diabetes.
    Updated: May 24, 2019 15:31

  22. Hi there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thanks!

  23. I’m typically to running a blog and i really respect your content. The article has actually peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your web site and maintain checking for brand new information.

  24. You made some first rate factors there. I looked on the web for the difficulty and located most people will associate with together with your website.

  25. Appreciate it for sharing the information with us.

  26. Absolutely composed content, Really enjoyed reading through.

  27. When someone writes an piece of writing he/she maintains the image
    of a user in his/her mind that how a user
    can know it. Thus that’s why this piece of writing is amazing.

    Thanks!

  28. Wonderful blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Thanks a lot!

  29. Great goods from you, man. I have have in mind your stuff prior to and you’re simply extremely
    magnificent. I actually like what you have acquired right
    here, certainly like what you’re stating and the way in which
    during which you are saying it. You make it entertaining and
    you still take care of to stay it wise. I can not wait
    to read much more from you. That is really a terrific site.

  30. We stumbled over here different website and thought I might as well check things out.
    I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to finding out about your web page repeatedly.

  31. [url=http://metformin0i0.com/]cheap metformin[/url] [url=http://allopurinol0i0.com/]allopurinol buy[/url] [url=http://prednisolonegenericbuy.com/]prednisolone buy[/url] [url=http://tadalafilcialiso0.com/]buy tadalafil[/url]

  32. Great work! This is the type of information that are supposed to be shared around the net. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post upper! Come on over and discuss with my web site . Thanks =). viagra cost

  33. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again very soon!. canadian pharmacy

  34. Hey there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so I came to take a look. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Superb blog and terrific design.. cbd vape oil

  35. But wanna input on few general things, The website style and design is perfect, the articles is rattling wonderful : D.. cheap viagra

  36. you’re really a good webmaster. The website loading speed is amazing. It seems that you’re doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork. you’ve done a great job on this topic!

  37. Hi would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend a good hosting provider at a honest price? Kudos, I appreciate it!

  38. Whoa all kinds of beneficial info!. cheap zestril dosage

  39. Incredible all kinds of valuable knowledge.. order viagra without prescription

  40. A large percentage of of the things you claim happens to be astonishingly precise and that makes me wonder why I had not looked at this in this light previously. Your article really did turn the light on for me as far as this subject matter goes. Nevertheless at this time there is actually 1 point I am not too cozy with and whilst I make an effort to reconcile that with the central idea of your point, let me observe what the rest of your visitors have to say.Very well done.

  41. Awesome tips. Thanks a lot. generic viagra fast shipping

  42. Fine forum posts. Thanks a lot. generic name for viagra.

  43. I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the very good works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my own blogroll.

  44. Utterly written content, Really enjoyed examining.

  45. You suggested it fantastically. viagra generic online pharmacy usa viagra generic name

  46. Really clean website , thanks for this post.

  47. Really a lot of fantastic information.. viagra sans ordonnance cialis sans ordonnance

  48. You actually mentioned this superbly.. cheap generic viagra

  49. Heya just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

  50. Whoa quite a lot of good tips. buy cialis online

  51. Valuable data. Cheers. cbd oil near me

  52. BEST PRIVATE PROXIES – Elite quality, Infinite bandwidth, 1000 mb/s superspeed, 99,9 uptime, Non sequential IP’s, Number usage restrictions, Numerous subnets, USA or Europe proxies – Buy Now – DreamProxies.com

  53. Best Private Proxies – 50 Inexpensive + Complimentary Proxies! Top dogs superior quality, Unending data transfer, 1000 mb/s superspeed, 99,9 uptime, Non sequent IP’s, Virtually no practices boundaries, A wide range of subnets, USA or maybe The world proxies – Shop for At this moment – DreamProxies.com

  54. Nicely voiced of course. . canadian pharmacies cialis sans ordonnance

  55. You actually suggested it really well. most reputable canadian pharmacy online

  56. You actually mentioned this terrifically. viagra cialis sans ordonnance livraison 48h

  57. Reliable stuff. Regards. oliviapharm.com buy viagra

  58. Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you could be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back down the road. I want to encourage you continue your great job, have a nice day!

  59. Truly lots of amazing information. sansordonnancetadalafil.com cialis 20 cialis en ligne site fiable

  60. Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossips and web and this is really annoying. A good site with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for keeping this site, I will be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can’t find it.

  61. You actually expressed it fantastically. generic viagra ruso viagra

  62. I have not checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂

  63. What i don’t understood is actually how you are no longer actually much more neatly-favored than you might be now. You are so intelligent. You understand thus significantly in terms of this matter, produced me individually consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t involved unless it is something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding. All the time take care of it up!

  64. I am glad to be one of many visitors on this great website (:, appreciate it for putting up.

  65. I am not certain the place you are getting your information, however good topic. I needs to spend a while studying more or working out more. Thank you for wonderful info I used to be in search of this info for my mission.

  66. Private proxies plus top deals: 50 discount, zero cost proxies and additionally marketing promotions – no more than in DreamProxies.com

  67. Perfectly composed content material, regards for information. “He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.” by Michel de Montaigne.

  68. Best private proxies and greatest proxy charges – find cheap procurator concerning https://DreamProxies.com

  69. I got good info from your blog

  70. I’m not sure where you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for great info I was looking for this info for my mission.

  71. Thanks for the something totally new you have exposed in your writing. One thing I would really like to reply to is that FSBO associations are built eventually. By presenting yourself to the owners the first weekend break their FSBO can be announced, prior to masses start out calling on Mon, you develop a good interconnection. By sending them methods, educational supplies, free reviews, and forms, you become an ally. By using a personal curiosity about them and also their scenario, you create a solid interconnection that, in many cases, pays off in the event the owners opt with a realtor they know along with trust – preferably you actually.

  72. Can I simply say what a relief to search out somebody who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know easy methods to convey an issue to gentle and make it important. More individuals must learn this and understand this aspect of the story. I cant believe youre no more widespread because you definitely have the gift.

  73. Unquestionably consider that that you stated. Your favourite reason seemed to be at the internet the easiest factor to be mindful of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed at the same time as people think about concerns that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and also outlined out the whole thing without having side-effects , other people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  74. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  75. I’ve learn a few excellent stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot effort you place to create the sort of wonderful informative site.

  76. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out a lot. I hope to give something back and aid others like you helped me.

  77. amazon viagra https://canadianpharmacystorm.com discount cialis and viagra

  78. cheap generic viagra http://tadmedz.com buy cialis online malaysia

  79. cheap generic cialis uk online buy viagra online buy brand name levitra

  80. viagra for cheap with no prescriptions viagra without a doctor prescription usa viagra sale las vegas

  81. This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

  82. hello there and thank you to your info – I have definitely picked up anything new from proper here. I did on the other hand expertise several technical issues the use of this web site, as I experienced to reload the web site many occasions prior to I may get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Now not that I’m complaining, however sluggish loading instances occasions will often affect your placement in google and could injury your high quality ranking if advertising and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot more of your respective exciting content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

  83. how much education does a surgeon need cbd products cbd oil for pain and inflammation

  84. fast payday loan payday loans home loan refinance

  85. gastric bypass viagra buy viagra online cheap what is medicine

  86. I used to be suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not certain whether or not this put up is written via him as no one else understand such particular about my difficulty. You are wonderful! Thank you!

  87. viagra buy in australia viagra without a doctor prescription usa very cheap generic viagra

  88. Generally I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do it! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite nice post.

  89. This is a very good tips especially to those new to blogosphere, brief and accurate information… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article.

  90. Glad to be one of the visitors on this awesome site : D.

  91. coupon for cialis http://kaletra24.com – kaletra generic discount viagra professional

  92. buy cialis uk http://alexa24ph.com – buy sildenafil cheap cialis from india

  93. how do i order viagra online http://alexa24ph.com – viagra cialis sale south africa

  94. very cheap viagra uk http://hydroxychloroquine24.com – generic plaquenil order viagra online legal

  95. buy viagra online legit http://alexa24ph.com – viagra without doctor prescription cheapest cialis pharmacy comparison

  96. doctor s viagra without seeing a doctor viagra pills

  97. It’s really a great and helpful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  98. viagra sale in india http://aralenph.com – alaren price buy viagra korea

  99. where to buy generic cialis http://zithazi.com – cheap zithromax viagra buy malaysia

  100. I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this blog. Thanks, I will try and check back more frequently. How frequently you update your web site?

  101. order cheap online levitra http://alexa24ph.com – generic viagra 100mg buy generic cialis no prescription

  102. cheap viagra next day http://hydroxychloroquine24.com – generic plaquenil best place buy generic levitra

  103. how do i order cialis http://alexa24ph.com – viagra cheap viagra overnight

  104. buy viagra
    cialis buy europe

  105. viagra pills
    buy viagra puerto vallarta

  106. buy sildenafil
    viagra online buy india

  107. generic viagra india 100mg
    order cialis online

  108. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Extremely useful information specifically the last part 🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  109. generic viagra 100mg
    buy cialis south africa

  110. find doctors aralen

  111. buy viagra
    best place to buy generic cialis

  112. buy viagra
    cheap generic levitra online

  113. 50 Low priced Just for All Private Proxies! Exclusive excellent, Infinite bandwidth, 1000 mb/s superspeed, 99,9 uptime, Not consecutive IP’s, Not any application laws, Numerous subnets, USA and even The uk proxies – Decide to buy At present – DreamProxies.com

  114. I am glad to be one of many visitants on this great site (:, appreciate it for posting.

  115. cheap viagra
    viagra buy tesco

  116. buy sildenafil
    cheap real cialis

  117. cheap viagra
    buy cialis online generic

  118. This is a very good tips especially to those new to blogosphere, brief and accurate information… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article.

  119. subaru finance loans

  120. find clinic viagra generic

  121. canadian cialis cialis online
    how does cialis work

  122. generic cialis bitcoin buy here
    canada cialis

  123. cbd oil 2019
    cbd oil for sale

  124. viagra online pharmacy cheap viagra
    how much does viagra cost

  125. viagra without a doctor prescription walmart viagra without a doctor prescription
    viagra canada

  126. cheap cialis canada cialis
    prices of cialis

  127. cbd oil for sale
    cbd oil for sale

  128. fastest delivery of cialis buying online low cost cialis
    cialis professional

  129. Like!! Great article post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  130. I could not refrain from commenting. Very well written!

  131. п»їviagra: viagra prescription cheap viagra with prescription

  132. Howdy are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you require any html coding knowledge to make your own blog?
    Any help would be really appreciated! https://viatribuy.com/

  133. Howdy are using WordPress for your blog platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own.
    Do you require any html coding knowledge to make
    your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated! https://viatribuy.com/

  134. chrissy teigen legend viagra: cost of viagra per pill levitra discount prices

  135. Please let me know if you’re looking for a article author for your blog. You have some really great posts and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an email if interested. Many thanks!

  136. I truly love your site.. Excellent colors & theme. Did you build this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to create my very own blog and want to learn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Kudos!

  137. Знаете ли вы?
    Сын политика-пьяницы помог принять сухой закон в своей провинции.
    Команды тренера года АБА и НБА ни разу не стали в них финалистками.
    После 50 черепно-мозговых травм регбист завершил карьеру, опасаясь получить синдром деменции.
    Член Зала хоккейной славы готов был играть где угодно, лишь бы не переходить в тренеры.
    Иракский физрук получил мировую известность под псевдонимом «ангел смерти».

    http://www.0pb8hx.com/

  138. how to get prescription drugs without doctor how can i order prescription drugs without a doctor google viagra dosage recommendations onlinepharmacyero.com

  139. anti fungal pills without prescription ed prescription drugs viagra without a prescription onlinepharmacyero.com

  140. We’re a gaggle of volunteers and starting a brand new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with helpful information to work on. You have performed a formidable activity and our entire neighborhood can be grateful to you.

  141. normal dose cialis buy generic cialis

  142. generic for cialis generic cialis

  143. Знаете ли вы?
    Первый футбольный трофей после начала пандемии коронавируса был разыгран в Таджикистане.
    «Голова крестьянина» хранилась в доме у немецкой актрисы.
    Российских легкоалетов могут сурово наказать за действия чиновников от спорта.
    Клирик-саксонец стать папой римским не захотел, а патриархом Севера не смог.
    По выбору Утёсова дорога на Берлин шла то через Минск, то через Киев.

    http://arbeca.net

Leave a Reply