How do we avoid dealing with the crazies? We know the more emotionally stable a person is the more they can handle and they make the best teammates, employees and friends. Emotionally healthy people relate well to others. They can deal with stress, tension and failures with grace. They are at peace with the past, undaunted by the present and optimistic about the future. Our “A” players are less preoccupied with their own problems and more open and free to work at the highest capacities in your company. In short, emotionally healthy people are able to affect significant change for your organization. So the question is, “How do I become, and help others to become, a more well-adjusted employee, friend and teammate?”

Here are 8 steps that will help us get there:

1. Don’t compare our lives to others’.

Theodore Roosevelt is attributed with saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Emotionally unhealthy people compare themselves to others and think the grass is always greener on their side. In contrast, well-adjusted people are content with what their talents are, confident in their use of those talents, live their lives with purpose, and can smile and celebrate the successes of others. To find out where our employees stand, we can ask our employee to rate their level of contentment with their lives or to describe a recent success of a friend or family member, and how they reacted – less the words they spoke, but rather their innermost thoughts. Listen closely to their response.

2. Don’t see ourselves as victims.

Victim-thinking has people keep company with people who bring them down and then blame others when their life isn’t how they want it to be. Conversely, visionary-thinking people act as though the world owes them nothing. Healthy people don’t waste their time having pity parties or feeling sorry for themselves. Ask our employees about a significant failure in their life and how they responded. Did they take responsibility for their lives and failures? How did they bounce back from a low point?

3. Forgive.

Let go of the search for a better past and don’t hold grudges. Confident people don’t dwell on the past or obsess about a time someone hurt them. If they are willing, have our employee describe a time when they were hurt or disappointed by someone. Did they actively work toward forgiveness?

4. Don’t need to be the center of attention.

Ever been around that person who is needy for attention or constant affirmation? I wonder if that person has some deep insecurities. Being in control emotionally, we don’t seem to need or demand heavy amounts of recognition. We can freely and openly give credit to others. We believe in ourselves and do the right thing for others; we don’t constantly worry about fitting in, or crave affirmation. Are any of our employees showy or needy — or do they demonstrate humble confidence?

5. Know when to say “no.”

Over-committing ourselves may be a sign that we think we have super-powers or that we want others to think we do. If someone can’t say no, they may be too worried about what everyone else thinks of them. If someone is too fixated on pleasing others, they may not be living their life, rather they are living it through pleasing others, and that can be unfulfilling and unsatisfying. Likewise, over-committing ourselves might mean that we’re placing a higher priority on work than on our family and home life. Ask our employees about their thoughts on work-life balance and how they say no when a commitment may interfere with their family time.

6. Don’t get easily worked up.

The very best teammates are ones who are low on the drama meter. They have a deep peace that makes them relatively unfazed by change, daily stressors, worries, and tough situations. Emotionally healthy people don’t have knee-jerk emotional reactions to change or get worked up about things that they can’t control. Question employees about what stresses them out and how they deal with it. Hope they take some deep breaths and begin to sleep better.

7. Give back, be grateful, and give our all.

For people who are really frustrated with change, I ask them if they have helped anybody lately. Just go to the grocery store, spend 30 minutes helping elderly people or those in need, and feel their appreciation for little and yet crucial assistance. My mom sure needs it, and she remembers who helped her and tells others. We appreciate it, and we feel wonderful! So many of us are hoarding our time, talents and even love. With a genuine spirit, people give their all regardless of what they might get in return or what the outcome might be. And if they do fail, are hurt, or are rejected, they don’t give up or begin to withhold their gifts. They continue to give back and give everything they’ve got.

8. Know that joy is a choice.

When Walt Disney said, “Happiness is a state of mind,” he was on to something. Well-adjusted people know that they have control of their attitude and their response to situations. Listen for if you and your teammates communicate a positive outlook on your lives and future. And listen for clear determiners of emotional and meaningful health: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, hope, honesty, gentleness, self-awareness and self-management.

It’s not Personal.  Yes it is.

Jim